Chun Li, Whurz My Happy Ending
by SugoiByoshin
Summary: The Dead or Alive 3 endings with a twist, but not like Lime or Lemon, more like Ecstacy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N : We mustn't be disheartened that Doa4 wasn't released at Launch, whenever THAT was, but anyways, to keep Hope alive for the Greatest Fighting Game ever, we have to keep the deep and rich storyline in our minds! So instead of busting out the dusty-azz disk, I've decided to illustrate each Doa3 ending for each day until we get our damn game! (If i did my math right...but then again, i did go to public school.)

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Zack relaxes comfortably in the back of his white, rented stretch limo which had a down payment of only one handgun aimed at the rich owner. The silver glasses he wears _are_ owned, but his white, pimped out suit and his Gators have both been procured in the same way as his wheels.

"Dis tha place, Johnny." Zack announces, looking out the tinted window as the famous casino known as 'Jackpot' approaches from the east.

"Listen, Sir, i told you my name is Frederick." The driver answers back as the limo slows and pulls towards the curb, but Zack ignores the foreign driver. He is too busy checking his appearance in the mirror located in the floor of the limousine.

The car stops completely and as the door opens, Zack rushes out, body checking the young, red suited attendant in the chest.

"Move, son, got money ta make!" Zack spins around and tosses a roll of thirty dollars on the concrete sidewalk in front of the doubled over young man and chuckles, "Yesterday I'd of cared about tossing around large sums like that, but tonight I'm feelin' lucky!"

Zack smirks and slicks back his silver dyed hair, strolling smoothly across the yellow floored walkway leading towards the entrance to the casino. Zack superstitiously dodges the red diamonds imprinted on the floor as he walks and the numerous young pop music and GAP clothing connoisseurs stare at him open mouthed, pointing uncouthly,

"Dude, they let black people come here now?" One asks as his girlfriend clutches her Wal-Mart bought purse and shivers,

"What has this world come to? When they can gamble beside us?"

"I'm going to call my dad about this one!" Another young man demands furiously and rushes away towards the valet parking lot in horror.

Zack saunters to the entrance door, but the behemoth NFL defensive linemen of a bouncer holds his hand out and shakes his finger reproachfully. Zack raises his eyebrow at the insult, can't this man tell he's paid in full by looking at his knock offs? He thinks to knock the man's top hat off, but he's seen Urlacher put the hurting on McNabb many times before.

"You know better than to roll up in here, boy." The bouncer says in a deprecating manner and waves his hand, shooing Zack away as he would a fly. Zack thinks to pull the gat out of his pants, but he _will _get paid today.

"Sorry for the misunderstandin', boss, but I'm just the lowly entertainment for tonight." Zack explains quickly in a feigned plea and the bouncer clicks his tongue, far from convinced,

"Prove it, son."

Zack quickly backs up and tosses his left arm into the air, placing his forehead to his raised fist, then switches with a quick step, and brings his left down to his side, and right forwards in true pimp style. Once again, with the fluid steps he learned from vegging in front of the TV endlessly during childhood, through the neighbors window of course, he puts his right arm behind his head and in a tribute to the thrilling boy toucher, grabs himself perfectly not to disrupt the balled up sock.

Zack is immediately allowed entrance after his great display and quickly rushes excitedly into the dimly lit red interior of the crowded casino. He instantly scans the establishment from the cash office to the slot machines, but he has only one game : roulette. Like a ninja, he ghosts through the crowd, carefully dodging the poor looking folk, but with quick hands and fingers, he pockets numerous a golden watch and wallet, and leaves a wake of female gasps and curses in his wake.

"Get me in on dis table, biatches!" Zack hollas as he reaches a less crowded roulette table after getting his bucket of chips, not chicken this time, and surveys the rainbow, patchwork of beautiful women gathered around, waiting for their lucky papi-chulo. A foursome sounds simply delightful and delicious.

"Welcome, Sir, glad to have you of course." The attendant says with a wide grin, pointing towards the seat in between the women and Zack strolls over and plops down, winking at the mocha dream boat and then rubbing the chin of the blond, vanilla sundae. The redhead is a bit coy, but he'll make sure she warms up to him.

"Put it all on zero, son! I aint got time to wait!" Zack demands, slamming the bucket on the table, and pouring out the green chips and the attendant raises his eyebrow intrigued,

"Are you sure you don't want to get a feel of the table, Sir?"

"What you bout ta get a feel for are deez nutz, son! Now spin dat damn wheel!" Zack yells angrily and the attendant quickly nods and sets the white ball spinning,

"I don't want you to get belligerent. And the ball being white isn't my fault!" The attendant quickly explains, trying to save himself, but Zack ignores him.

The ball spins around the edge, clicking against each number, and Zack stands up, eye's lighting as it bounces towards zero. He quickly offers a prayer up to the Kwanza God and to everyone at the table's amazement, the ball slams into the correct whole, a white thing actually doing a black man's will for once.

"Holy shiat! Kiss my ass Dubya, I'm out of tha Ghett-O!" Zack leaps to his feet, money and chips flying, but the attendant immediately motions towards the security officials and three more defensive linemen dressed in black and white suits rush over for the lynching. Zack holds his fists up, ready to protect his money and of course his newly earned gold diggers take up his defense.

"Sorry, Sir, but there's been a mistake, this is a white only table," The first begins, "We have to confiscate your winnings." Zack's face explodes into a scowl and he spins around, pointing at the chocolate mama,

"What about her, just chillin out! Ya'll can't do me like this!" Zack's fury dissipates and begins to transform into depression, "Please, my hot tub is ice cold! I need warm water!"

"Go back to Georgia, your homeland, if you feel oppressed." Another of the officials says and tears begin to drip down from behind Zack's glasses. He sniffles and puts his head down on the roulette table, the women looking from one to the other, wondering if he's still worth sleeping with or not,

"Where's Shaft when you need him..."

"I'm making Snakes on a Plane, Mutha Fcka, you gonna have to get over it!" Sam Jackson yells out in his loud ass, dramatic voice and Zack picks his head up and looks around through astonishment, the white folk scattering in terror, "I can't swoop in and save every Nigga that needs my Fucking help! You hear me!"

"But still, you supposed to help--" Zack's plea is cut off by another rant from Jules,

"Walk on your own two feet, Mutha Fcka, i can't help you while I'm filming my Fcking oscar winning performance about Snakes on a Plane! Be like me and walk on your own!"

"But your walking right off a cliff, Sam! This movie is gonna--"

"I still got my Mace Windu Lightsaber Mutha Fcka! Don't make me use it! It's Snakes on a Plane Damnit, Go See My Movie!"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction. Oh, nor did i receive permission to use any of these Celebrities' likenesses or names, but do Celebrities really own THAT name? Maybe Prince, but i know more than one Bruce Willis, aight? AIGHT!

Hayate stands rigidly high above the other men and women in this small squad of Mugen-Tenshin ninja because he has a superiority complex. In fact, he _allowed_ them to accompany him in his manly greatness. The cloudy, shrouded night is cold and a slight breeze stirs through the monstrous sprawl of towering evergreen trees of the dark forest below.

Hayate's eyes are closed tightly, his arms are crossed furiously, and his forehead is slightly wrinkled in quandary. His anger is not only due to the fact that he didn't eat his dinner tonight because his mother hates him, but also because of the message he just received from a messenger chimp. Sent by a ninja squad known for secretly spying on high class officials of the entertainment world, but he will always and forever deny any dealings with that clan, the paparazzi.

The implacable rage that courses through him this instant is because he has just learned that his life story is to be turned into a frivolous MTV romp of filth and utter vomit, depicted by a bunch of talentless posers and hacks that he will have hunted down and brutally slain in front of their mothers. It pains his soul. So of course it was beneficial when he sold his soul to Raidou in exchange for complete parental custody over Ayane. She was always the more giving and generous of his two younger sisters, especially those long baths together where they would dry each other off and...

"I digress..." Hayate mumbles as he clears his throat, muffled by his tight fitting mask. He quickly opens his eyes and gazes upwards at the small sliver of yellow moon. This will be a cold night, but it must be done. Kasumi must be brought to justice for running away from the Mugen-Tenshin and for stealing his favorite blade and keeping it as her own. If there's something Hayate cannot endure or forgive, its someone stealing his glorious stuff.

Hayate catches a small glimpse of the target below, really just the smallest rustle of a leaf, but its more than enough for someone with his excellent hearing to know that Kasumi is on the move. He quickly raises his right arm, extending it powerfully with his two first fingers pointed in command. The five ninja hidden in the shadows immediately leap forwards, landing gracefully on the dirt, not a sound emitting from their steps, seeming to merge with the wind itself. Of course Hayate taught them himself.

"A chick being the leader of the Mugen-Tenshin, that's plain ridiculous. A leader must be strong and cold, merciless and violent!" Hayate barks and then quickly covers his mouth and looks around to ensure that his position high in the trees wasn't compromised. He snickers and lowers his voice, "And no one steals my shit." Hayate stretches his arms above his head in a yawn and his newly promoted lieutenant looks over with an exceptive frown,

"You do realize she did those things to avenge you right?" He whispers through his silver mask and Hayate turns his head slightly to scowl at the powerful Shinobi, Kage Maru and yells,

"_No one_ avenges Hayate! I could've woken up at anytime and helped myse--" Hayate dodges his head to the side as a metal shuriken slams into the trunk of the tree above his left ear and he quickly scans the area with a scowl. He quickly motions to Kage and leaps to an adjacent tree and lands in a crouch on the strongest branch. Yes, he can easily tell which branch is the strongest from his special training that he gave himself at the young age of four months.

Kage lands beside him with a curious eyebrow raised and Hayate places his finger to his mouth,

"I guess _we_ should talk more quietly. There must be Black Spiders around or Orange Orangutans, some shit like that." Hayate explains and Kage scratches the top his head,

"What do you mean by 'we'?" He whispers once again and Hayate scowls and raises his hand to backhand the much stronger man. His power level is to the heavens, but Hayate would never admit it.

"Alright, _I'll_ talk more quietly, but i didn't hire you to make me look bad." Hayate responds and Kage sighs lowly,

"You realize this is wrong. Hunting down your own sister for doing a good act."

"What did i just tell you? I didn't hire you for your opinion, you just stand there and tell me if i get loud!" Hayate yells the last part and another shuriken slams into the tree they are standing in. Shivering through piercing fright, Hayate unwraps himself from around the branch and quickly leaps to another tree.

Kage lands beside him and groans cynically,

"If i didn't need this job, i would break your damn arm off." Hayate's hazelnut eyes narrow and he looks upwards powerfully, but his determination only masks the fear that surges through him at the moment. He needs his right arm, or at least the hand, well he supposes he could make Ayane do the deed for him, but that would just take away from the absolute naughtiness.

"But you _do_ need the job, right?" Hayate asks gravely and Kage stares down at him with the same serious expression, but finally concedes with an exhausted sigh,

"Don't get me started. I've been on the PS for the last decade...seems like an eternity. I'm finally going to be back on a console that i don't have to look like some Lego character." Kage pauses a moment and Hayate is finally able to relax a little bit, "And of course, certain DOA physics might be implemented, and no man can deny the greatness of the big bounce."

"You mean the movie? Because i loved that movie!" Hayate grins widely and Kage feels the whisper of the shuriken across the back of his neck. That will be the last time! Through terror, Hayate begins to leap to another tree, but Kage quickly clips the man's legs out from under him and Hayate holds his arms out as if he has wings, attempting to fly, but that doesn't stop him from falling like a stone.

"What the hell, Maru! You bastard, what the hell is wrong with you!" Hayate yells upwards through fury as he attempts to flap his 'wings', but he continues to fall, sending every obscenity upwards towards Kage's position as the ninja in his squad give up the chase and snicker at him.

"I need the job of course, but a promotion is even better," Kage pauses to listen to the rebuttal and hears numerous words that would put Eminem to shame, "It's a long fall, Yatee-chan, you may want to save some of those curse words for when you hit the bottom."

"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you!" Hayate yells, straining both of his middle fingers, telling Kage to sit and spin twice.

"Hey, just a suggestion," Kage says with a shrug, "Oh and by the way, who do you think ate your dinner tonight? Ayame makes some mean sushi!" Kage crosses his arms smugly, leaving Hayate speechless, and chuckles to himself at the thought of Hayate's passed experiences, "You just got bad luck when it comes to trees and forests, dontcha Yatee-chan? Eh, but don't worry, I'm sure that annoying bubble head Hitomi will find you again and nurse you back to health.

With that, Hayate's eyes spring open and ultimate pain erupts from his mouth,

"NOO! Please, Maru-dono! Her voice makes my ears bleed! Any fate, but that one!"

"You don't really have a choice, now do ya, big guy?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N : 360? I wish! Nah, Red, i didn't get mine yet and i doubt I'll see the greatness for a second yet. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to respond to reviews, eh, whatcha gonna do FanFiction? _(Account Deleted)_ Hehe, thanks for the reviews so far guys, everything seems to be going good so lets not disrupt the flizzow!

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction. Or do i know anyone named Dennis.

Bass rumbles across the desolate highway through the blazing desert of Nevada atop his knock off hog, red framed with white flames hand painted on. The one hundred degree heat beats down, sending sweat from his obese pores, but still not enough to make him sweat any weight off. From the hawk's eye view above in the clear blue sky, he appears to be a hairless, bad dressed gorilla riding a big wheel.

"Whatever happens in Vegas, _stays _in Vegas!" Bass repeats to himself for the millionth time, spreading a grin across his hairy face, "That means all the hookers and strippers I pick up can't follow me back to my mansion. They best not start no scandals to mess up my wrestling status..." Bass trails off in thought, wondering just how long he has to catch all the free topless shows of large breasted trophy wives expending their frustrations.

The thought causes a devious giggle rumble from within Bass's massive belly, but he makes sure not to open his mouth. He's swallowed enough flies on this trip, and only about two centimeters of his black glasses aren't covered in unfortunate flying insects. They shouldn't have been in his way, no one messes with the big man and comes out alive.

"Except for that daughter i have..." Bass thinks to himself sullenly, greatly saddened that he was in such a rush that day, he forget to wrap up Bass Junior. The one time he messes up, he ends up with a kid! That chick must've slipped him a roofie or something. Then she straight up left with him the little terrorist that he named Tina all those thirty or forty some years ago. He can never remember how old she is.

Bass attempts to get the past off his mind and reaches down to switch on the radio, pushing in the button and a blast of rock music blows from the speakers, but before he hears any words, the ground seems to shake underneath Bass's massive rear and the muffler coughs its last, crying out in tremendous pain.

Black smoke erupts from the rear pipe as the bike sputters and although Bass puts his fat, thunder thighs to both sides of his crotch-rocket, he cannot use the Flintstones maneuver that he learned while watching his favorite show. Betty's plump ass is hot as hell, but this is the absolute last time he buys a motorcycle from France!

Bass groans through the strenuous strain of moving his massive elephant-esque frame from the stopped bike, and looks it over. Choking and crying, the metal creaks from the burden now being lifted, but its a bit too late. The seat has already collapsed in on itself, the two large, one dollar bill filled saddlebags are the only parts of the bike that are smiling.

"So this is how its gonna be, huh? Suck my ass!" Bass launches his right leg forwards and with his powerful Payless bought boot, strikes the bike center mass and a mushroom cloud of throat clogging, eye tearing smoke erupts upwards from the blown engine. Hacking and coughing, Bass rips off his fly infested glasses and attacks like the raging hippo that he is.

He rolls across the street with clunky swiftness, dodging the bike's attack and grabs the front of the frame, his steroid pulsing veins budging all over his body. He lets out a bellowing yell as he lifts the bike up into the air, his biceps about to explode and he throws the treacherous French made half assed built machine across the yellow line. Every part of the bike imaginable flies off, crashing across the road as the frame slides to a screeching halt.

Huffing and puffing, Bass looks over the destruction he has just caused, and for the first six seconds, he is most impressed, but then the horrid truth dawns on him and his meat encased brain. He's in the middle of Indian Territory and he just littered across their so-called, beautiful green earth. There were probably spirits in the bike that he just disrupted and even more importantly, he killed millions of their reincarnated brethren that were the flies. And not to mention the buffalo he hit on the way and left for dead, although it offered to give him immortal life.

Bass looks around at the abandoned highway, surrounded by desert in every direction, Vegas more than one thousand miles to the south, and immediately, he begins to hear war drums. Bass begins to hyperventilate, his throat constricting like when he got tangled in the ropes and got stuck that one time against Chyna. The drums enclose and Bass's clothes begin to stick to his bulkiness like glue since they aren't made of real leather.

He rips off his black bandanna and mops liquid away from his forehead. Now the spirit worshiping yelling begins and arrows begin to fly through the air. The stampede of horses shakes the ground and Bass falls to the blazing hot concrete, curling up in the fetal position and shivering uncontrollably, knowing of his imminent fate.

"I'm sorry for what my people did, i swear it!" Bass sobs, rocking back and forth, "But Turkey and ya'lls women just taste so good. It's an obsession! So juicy and frothy, like natural gravy all in my beard. I will never fantasize about Tiger Lily again! Please just let me live! You know for damn sure that Peter Pan isn't big enough for her!" Bass hears steps approaching and opens his eyes to look up at the massive dark figure standing above him. An Indian headdress decorating his crown and warpaint covering his face.

"I AM NUMBER ONE!"

"You're right! I'm a loser, you can have the number one spot!" Bass yells, crying and shaking and the man leans down, shaking his head with a frown,

"What i meant was All-State is number one. We even represent crazy, paranoid, overweight white men with no purpose in life." Dennis Haysbert says and grabs Bass by his chunk and lifts him to his feet.

"Oh thank Collin Farrel, its you! Man, you've come to my rescue once more! But we can't take all the Indians alone!" Bass yells, grabbing Dennis around the torso, trying to right himself and the President attempts to keep his footing.

"You've gotta stop body slamming your bike or we're gonna stop coming out here. And that's All-State's stand...dumb ass."

"Man, i've never been so terrified in my life. Other than when Tina threatened to sleep with that colored boy...wait a second, was that you?" Bass looks at Dennis suspiciously and Dennis shakes his head insulted,

"Do i look like a crazy, Muay Thai, bordering bisexual--" Bass interrupts and shakes his hand with a smirk,

"Nah, i guess not, but all you black guys look ali--"

"Say it!" Zack yells as he appears out of nowhere with a chain wrapped around his fist and Bass's eyes widen.

"I dare your punk ass to say it!" Jeffrey McWild yells, holding a large metal pipe and Balrog raises from the ground, slamming his gloved fists into each other,

"Oh yea, tell me where you want it."

Bass looks around terrified, at a complete loss. He was just getting over the Indian attack, and now these Cubans are trying to attack him. He only has one chance to get out of this!

"Okay, but before you do...i didn't know KFC delivered!" Bass points across the stretching highway, and as one, the insulted fighters and Dennis all turn as one.

"Word?" Looking back and seeing nothing, they all spin around with their greatest dream in the world crashed, only to see Bass moving like a damn, burlesque bunny, speeding down the road, leaving skid marks across the highway.

"SAVE ME, TINNNAAA!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Gen Fu practices diligently within his dojo in the rolling hills of eastern China, the pagoda style causing the structure to appear similar to a majestic temple. The style of Xynyi Liuhe Quan sounds fake and made up, but the Iron Fist will always be stronger than the so-called style of Bajiquan or Hakkyoku-Ken in Japanese.

"This young boy Akira Yuki thinks to infiltrate the Dead or Alive Tournament as a woman does he?" Gen Fu snaps angrily and with his powerful, gnarled fist, moves across the worn brick floor with a series of quick punches and kicks, his invisible enemy none other than the headband wearing cross dresser. He moves with the grace of a one winged butterfly and strikes with the sheer power of a wasps' nest launched from a Chinese cannon.

He dodges around the stone rafters, evading the deadly stun palm and strikes at his imaginary opponent with a powerful slash of his arm, causing his long braided gray cue to bounce. He spins around and catches a glimpse of the three wall hangings on the southern wall, written personally by Master Gen Fu himself. The three principles he lives and dies by!

_'Woman who reaches for dining bill, used to be man'_

_'Child who yearns for Western Religion, is most touched.'_

_'Man who arrives last at orgy, slips on floor.'_

"You will not wear down my soul, Yuki!" Gen Fu demands, dancing around the floor, launching his flurry of fatal attacks, from simple Han-Senpu, connecting to To Sho, and finishing with an extremely advanced Jatoshin, finishing his opponent in an embarrassing manner. If those moves would truly work in battle, he's not sure, but against Yuki, an ink blot and a potato should be enough to immobilize him.

"Want to know what i call this one?" Gen Fu asks to his non-existent adversary as he strikes forward with an elbow, causing the arthritis to flare, "This is, 'You're a little boy in a senile old man's world!'" He back dodges and slashes forwards with a high kick, almost displacing his hip, "This one is, 'Wipe the milk off your upper lip and release your mom's teat, so i can get a taste!'" Gen Fu cackles as he rolls across the dusty floor and pops up quickly, "And this one--" The old master's words are cut off as a sharp pain launches down his back to the bottom of his wrinkled feet.

"Ah, the Attack of Eight Infinite Fists, I've heard of it, Yuki!" Gen Fu struggles to stand with the pulsing pain, but is only able to recover to his wobbly knees. Unfortunately, he hears tiny footsteps approaching, and he knows that can only mean one thing. Yuki's demon students are on the approach.

"I won't be...taken by surprise." Gen Fu stammers as he struggles to find breathe in his wrinkled lungs. He crawls across the floor towards his energy drink lying on the opposite end of the dojo, but he knows he won't make it in time. So much for being a Rockstar today.

"With my last breathe, i curse--"

"Grandpa Genny!" The annoying shrill voice of the little girl that he attempted to abandon in the hospital all those years ago rings throughout the building, shaking the ancient beams. Gen Fu looks up with narrow eyes as his granddaughter, Mei-Lin leaps over the raised threshold of the dojo and lands wildly. A wide, sugar induced grin splitting her face, wide eyes like a crack addicts looking everywhere at once, and with chocolate stains splotching her red and white flowed print silk clothing that Gen Fu bought for her personally. He regrets ever curing this wench!

"Where is your mother!" Gen Fu yells furiously as hyperactive Mei-Lin giggles and cackles, running and jumping around the dojo. She cartwheels and flips, kicking the walls causing the the brittle foundations to shake. She tears and rips at the wall hangings and places her sticky fingers into every nook and cranny.

"This is a sacred place dammit!" Gen Fu derides, but Mei-Lin ignores him as she skids to a halt, looking down at his most recent works of art. His Suibokuga, the expensive Indian bought ink still drying.

"What's these?" Mei-Lin asks, ripping them from their drying tacks, sending wet ink all over the paper and floors. Tears drip from Gen Fu's yellowing eyes as he watches the desecration of his temple.

"I should've left you to die!"

"Oh Grandpa Genny, you know I don't die, I just multi--"

"Enough!" Gen Fu yells, leaping towards the most dreadful part of his family tree, the thorn at the bottom near the roots, but she dodges quickly.

"I think I'll take these and show mommy! Grandpa Genny's obsession with breasts is weird!" Mei-Lin cackles and rushes towards the wide spread entrance and Gen Fu musters all of his strength and leaps forwards. He stumbles to his feet and chases after the much faster little girl.

"My daughter mustn't know I've drawn her friends in the nude! Please, Mei-Lin!" Gen Fu reaches out with his gnarled hands, but Mei Lin spins around, loosing an arsenal of new, shiny marbles.

"You little wretch!" Gen Fu attempts to dodge, but the damned bright sun blinds him at the wrong time and he slips on the well planned attack. Mei-Lin cackles like a witch as she clears each stair of the stoop with a single jump as Gen Fu slams his old head on each and every stone step.

"Hentai, Ecchi, Old Perverted Man-Chan!" Mei-Lin rushes away in hyper speed, putting Wally to shame as Gen Fu's broken and bloody body rolls into the itchy wild flowers surrounding his estate and he holds his worn fist into the air furiously,

"I'll get you yet, Demon Child! And stop speaking Japanese, dammit! You traitorous..." Gen Fu hacks and coughs as he catches his breathe and inhales deeply to finish his insult, but instead, decides to reflect. He calms himself down, thinking of those beautiful mountainous regions on Bass's daughter.

"Perhaps i was bit too hard on her. I could train her to become my apprentice, use that unstoppable energy as a force of good..." Gen Fu wonders to himself as his eyes begin to crust over from the powerful sunlight.

"Umm, can i assist you in any way, Master Fu?" A boy's much too feminine voice sounds from above and Gen Fu scowls angrily and kicks towards the direction of the voice, but misses.

"Dammit, Elliot, get away from me! No one wants you here!" Gen Fu yells as he continues to kick and punch blindly like the crotchety old man he is, but Elliot simply stares,

"Oh please, Master, i just wanted to help you. I heard yelling and the like, you know, and i just love you and Mistress to dea--"

"You stay away from me! I should never have taken you in!" Gen Fu growls and Elliot crosses his arms and turns around petulantly, sticking his butt in the air.

"Well we'll see if Mister Grumpy Pants gets Green Tea with his sponge bath today." That puts Gen Fu over the edge as he begins ripping up flowers along with his screaming,

"Go finish washing my prescription pajamas! And you better pray I don't find wrinkles, you damned hip swaying, English McMuffet!"


	5. Chapter 5

A/N : Apologies for not updating yesterday, i was laid out with this so-called rooster flu or whatnot. So today shall be a double dose. ;-)

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Ayane shields her eyes from the blazing flames of the massive orange conflagration which occurred from a marshmallow cook-fire gone way wrong. The blaze lights the night's sky, allowing much more light than the lone moon and allows Ayane to study her wonderful milky complexion in which she sunbathed nude for hours to attain.

"This is either the best or worst day of my life..." Ayane ponders on which it is, for one, she has attained the culmination of beauty she has sought since birth, but then again, the only man that has ever loved her unconventionally has fallen. He was reaching for the the bag of off-brand marshmallows, but for whatever reason, forgot to tie his armored boots, and tripped. Or was he pushed?

Ayane looks around quickly, searching the destroyed rubble of the area, attempting to find any hint of a possible assassin. After minutes of static exploration, she finds nothing and sighs, realizing that her father figure truly was just a poor, clumsy fool. His luster armor, however, looks quite cool from within the fire, in a sort of artsy type way.

"I wonder if i should say a few words?" Ayane asks herself, rubbing her smooth chin in wonder, and finally decides that a eulogy would be most fitting. She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted from a groan within the flame.

"How about...helping me out of here." A deep mumble emanates and Ayane leaps backwards in suspicion.

"Who's there!" Ayane asks, springing a throwing knife from her sleeve, one of her signature kunai with a spinning purple blossom on the handle.

"Ayane, dear, it's me...your father." The voice continues and Ayane shields her eyes and stares into the fire, causing tears to flow from the smoke, but she cannot see any indication that his mouth is moving.

"Am i hearing things? Is it from the multitude of sadness i feel or the sheer elation because my hair has finally reached the unattainable hue?" Ayane asks and a low groan is heard before the voice speaks again,

"It truly is me...but my armor, dear...it's melting my skin off." Genra struggles through his plea for help, but Ayane still doesn't see any motion from the mouth on the horned helmet.

"You know what, this is just weird..." Ayane back steps again, before her exquisitely thin eyebrows catch fire.

"Look, I'm trying to stay calm, but you're starting to upset me." Genra explains and Ayane continues to step away, afraid of the recognizable tone of her father when she used to get spankings.

"I'm not too sure if this is a dream or not, so I'm gonna go home and ask Hayate-sama, okay?"

"How would Hayate know if its a dream or--" Genra's voice is cut off as his words transform into a painful yell, "Damnit, a flame demon just stung me! Okay, Ayane, listen! This is real, as real as--"

"Tina's breasts? Yea, right, imaginary Genra voice, you _would_ believe those were real. But i know my _real _daddy wouldn't think they were real, so therefore, this must be a dream." Ayane sighs through relief, "I'm glad that's settled."

"Wait, what! How did you arrive at that? I didn't even say anything about Tina!" Genra yells, becoming quite annoyed and impatient, but Ayane is no longer listening. She finds the hilt of Genra's saber on the ground, and recovers it, activating the two purple beams of energy that extend from either side.

"Oh wow, my favorite color is purple!"

"Of course it is, i knew that! Ask me another question about you that only I'd know! C'mon!" Genra persuades hurriedly, but Ayane shakes her head,

"Nope, because your in my head, so you know everything i know. Good try though." Ayane giggles as she begins swinging the blade in the air, making light saber sounds with her mouth, "I'm a Sith Lordess!"

"Okay, how about your life story? Ayane, i adopted you from that old man who tried to seduce you with burned fish! I uh, bought you and your precocious body your first trainer when you were six. Also, everyday i bathed you, i never once touched--"

"Yea, yea, keep trying. Won't work against...Sith Lordess Ayane!" Ayane begins spinning around and rolling on the ground, battling annoying younglings. She finishes the battle, but then arrives at a difficult decision.

"Now if i had a choice, I'd go with Force Lightning, but Force Choke is also beneficial for a tyrant. What do you think Genra's voice in my head?" Ayane asks and Genra sighs sadly as he relents,

"I'd say Force Choke, but then again, Force Death is just so much more versatile. But for show, and someone vain like you definitely seeks attention, I'd go with Choke."

"Hey thanks! Sith Lordess Ayane, away!" Ayane spins away from the fire, running in the opposite direction with her blade pointed downwards, sending charred dirt upwards behind her feet as she runs. Genra curses to himself, loving his dear Ayane to death, but also hating the fact that he couldn't erase the dumb ass genes within her, which she inherited from her biological parents.

"I wish i had some booze." Genra admits, reaching for a blackened marshmallow lying next to him and brings the charcoal brick towards his mouth, but is unsuccessful in ingestion.

"Ah dammit, i knew this would happen! Someone help me out with my final meal! My mouth is stuck in the 'off' position!" Genra yells through desperation, but only the crackling of the fire answers him, "C'mon, Ryu? Hayate!...Bayman."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Tina rushes through the cracked concrete streets of the once marvelous city, now destroyed and in shambles. She has trouble focusing on her role, knowing that everyone has their eyes on her, because she is so wonderful and perfect. Her beautiful curves fill the green, tight fitting fatigues perfectly, but unfortunately, the damn kevlar vest hides her massive popularity pom-poms.

The helicopter from above unloads five soldiers on rip cords, all extras from their generic looks, same uniforms and helmets, not original like Tina herself. She's the star and won't have anyone stealing the spotlight from her! She could have hired clones, but that would have cost way too much money, and her dazzling makeup artist Marco is much more important.

Tina focuses back on the task at hand and remembers her stage directions, rushing across the streets and smiles at the green truck as she passes the vehicle. She counts approximately ten steps before reaching the alleyway and hides behind the wall. The scene is going perfect, she hasn't fumbled not once this time. Now comes the hard part though, because if those five dollar a day extras don't remember their marks, it will ruin her entire career.

She hesitantly peeks around the corner and notices the distracted soldiers, but then to the north, the soldiers on the other side of the alley open fire. The guns only make the noise of firing bullets, and those hired losers are lucky because they are pointing right at her. The nerve of some of the men in this world! She hired them to have the aim of Stormtroopers, not snipers.

Tina easily dodges the non-existent bullets and fires her own plastic automatic gun, hers equipped with the dandy little red scope, and strafes across the opening of the alley. On the mark of the stunt coordinator, Tina is quickly hoisted into the air and pulled across the opening like a much cuter Super girl and lands on the comfortable mat. That hack is lucky he landed her in the correct area.

The cord magically un-clips from her back and she rolls off the mat. Tina is surprised at herself for almost missing her mark in reloading her gun. Luckily one of those no-name indentured servants off to the side pantomimes the reloading action. She quickly reloads her plastic gun and readies herself, but this is when the massive helicopter charges forwards. This is it! When the spotlight will totally be on her, her talented blond haired and blue eyed being will be all alone in the next shot thanks to CG.

"The helicopter is right in front of me, it fires two missiles, I'm surprised!" Tina repeats to herself, standing in front of a jumble of rubble. She closes her eyes and looks up wide eyed, her mouth widening with a slight shiver. Those acting classes worked. She can totally feel the acting bubbling forth. Okay, the explosion is over and now she must pretend she is miraculously emerging from the blaze.

Tina exhales and hunches her back slightly, the single black bruise under her right eye still the only mark on her. She shows the expression that she can only describe as determination with focused eyes and holds. One, two, three, four, and...

"CUT!"

"Yes, I did it!" Tina throws the gun down and starts jumping up and down as all the stagehands rush forwards to do whatever it is they do, but all that matters is her, the actress! The extras are ushered away as Director Yuen walks over to her, his backwards hat looking quite stupid, but he's part of her contract, so therefore, she'd never say that.

"Hey, did you see me? I acted good right?" Tina asks and Yuen shrugs slightly, and then nods,

"Of course, Ms. Armstrong, you did...wonderful." Yuen writes something down on his clipboard as Tina unzips the kevlar vest to allow her mountainous region to breathe.

"I told you the one hundred and twenty-ninth take was going to be money! Well, what do you want to say to me?"

"Um, I'm proud of you, Ms. Armstrong." Yuen answers and Tina nods her head as she snaps her fingers, sending one of her numerous servants bounding forwards. She takes her ice water and knocks it back with a grin, noticing that her wonderful ever last lip color doesn't come off on the bottle. Marco is just too wonderful for words.

"That's right your proud of me, and i better get an Oscar for this!" Tina demands and Yuen nods reluctantly,

"I uh, I'm sure you will."

"Hey, Yuen!" Soldier #1 yells, rushing over and Yuen clinches slightly as the man rushes over, his build quite impressive and his jawline almost godlike.

"What is it...uh, you?" Yuen asks and the extra winks at Tina before asking his question,

"When does this babe get naked? I'm sick of wearing these...clothes things." Yuen grinds his teeth nervously as Tina spins and bounds on Soldier #1,

"What did you say, Slave? This is my movie! I will only do nudity if i feel it is of the utmost importance! I hired Yuen because he has won more nominations than--"

"Actually, that's my uh...brother." Yuen admits and Tina looks over enraged, throwing her bottle to the ground and it bounces away,

"But i had my agency book you myself! They said they'd get my acting career jump started!" Tina yells and Yuen nods his head with a frown,

"Tina, you do realize you can't act right?" Tina balls up her small hand into an even smaller fist and growls,

"I can to! Give me an emotion!"

"Okay, show me sad." Yuen directs and Tina bites her lower lip and then nods.

She quickly transforms her mouth into a frown and then nods,

"There! Sad!"

"Okay, now do traumatized." Yuen commands and Tina raises a confused eyebrow and actually peeks over towards the extra for guidance.

"See what I'm saying," Yuen explains, "You're no A-List actress!"

"So who are you then, Yuen!"

Soldier #1 steps forwards and puts his arm around Yuen with a smirk,

"Babe, have you ever heard of 'Massage Oil Conflict, Operation Iraqi Femdom' and 'Commando Cuties With Big Booties'! Those are Yuen's best!"

"WHAT!" Tina yells enraged, spinning around, glaring at all the deceivers and Yuen quickly holds his hands up,

"But it's okay, i always wanted to get into more 'normal' stuff anyways." Tina glares at him and Yuen drops his clipboard and Soldier #1 rushes away squealing.

"If you guys wanted me to do porn, you should've just said so!" Tina explains and Yuen's eyes widen as she unzips her shirt, exposing her only true talent, although paid for, and a bunch of excited hollering ensues, "But you better keep away from the ass!"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Brad Wong tiredly climbs the vine ladder of the towering rocky spire of which his small reclusive house sits atop. He lives in a little known area of China where magical rocky towers extend from the ocean itself and the weather in the area changes dramatically in very little time.

Brad pulls himself up onto his doorstep with a yawn, the morning air not doing any good in waking him up from his long night of partying. He woke up in a puddle of his own vomit, or at least he hopes it was his own. Waking up in an unfamiliar bathhouse surrounded by other drunks, ya just never know.

Brad walks across the flat plateau of the spire to his small wooden hermit house and pushes open the beaded entrance curtain and freezes, standing in his living room/dining room/bedroom. His three non-matching wooden chairs are gathered in a circle and people he doesn't recognize sit in them, but on his table/bed he recognizes his Zui Ba Xian Quan master, Old Chen.

"What's with the du-rag, master?" Brad asks slightly confused and Old Chen stands from the table with his arm raised, ready to slap Brad, but stops and simply motions towards the other people in the room,

"Are you not wondering why we have gathered in your house, Brad?" Brad looks around again at the three people, but this time the room spins with them and he almost falls to his knees.

"Woah, let's try to stay still people." Brad points around as he works his hardest to keep his stomach inside of his mouth. Old Chen nods his head contently,

"Exactly Brad, that is why we have gathered. This is an intervention and I am the conductor. Your mother, your best friend, and your first girlfriend." Old Chen points to each person in turn and Brad looks at each one with the same confusion as he does the one before.

"You're my mother?" Brad asks the youngest lady and she shakes her head and points to the older one,

"No, Brad, I'm Pai! That's Mrs. Wong over there." Pai, wearing her stupid looking hat, points towards gray haired Mrs. Wong whom scowls at her son for not recognizing her.

"And let me guess, my best friend is Jacky or the other Brad?" Brad looks to the other guy and bounds backwards in horror.

"What happened to your face, dude!" Brad asks in wonder and Old Chen grabs his forehead in annoyance,

"That's your best friend, Lu-Lu the Panda!" Brad looks closer to the bamboo branch in the panda's mouth and then nods his head in understanding,

"Okay, I get it, this is some surprise joke party right?" Brad asks and Old Chen actually slaps him this time, sending him crumbling to the floor. Brad's head spins as he attempts to stand up, but wobbles and falls back down.

"What is a joke is your drinking! I taught you to Master Drunken Boxing, not to master being a Professional Drunken Loser!" Old Chen yells angrily, "My reputation has been pissed upon! I can't even get any women anymore!" Brad holds his hands up in apology,

"I'm sorry, Master, but--"

"Silence you! You lie there and listen! First we're going to address the harm you've caused to yourself!"

Old Chen opens a long paper scroll with writing across the front and back and Brad looks up curiously.

"This here is a list of the terrible drinks you've mixed with the blatant disregard for the Human digestive system!" Old Chen explains and Mrs. Wong nods her head and speaks in her low, labored voice,

"And since i helped cultivate your digestive system, it is an insult to me as well!" Brad's lip swells up in a frown, and holds his hands out to his mother, or to the woman they say is his mother,

"Look, momma, I'm sor--" Brad's words are trampled as Mrs. Wong slams him over the head with Lu-Lu's bamboo branch and then replaces it back in the angry panda's mouth before he bites her hand off. Brad sits back on the floor and readies himself to listen to his Master's list.

"First, we have what you call a Fishing Russian. How you came up with this, I'm not sure..." Old Chen says and Brad smirks, remembering one of his masterpieces,

"That'll put some hair on your feet."

"200 proof vodka with boiled catfish oil?" Old Chen asks through disbelief and Pai Chan gags off to the side, "Not to mention your special Pink Lady with scrambled eggs instead of the whites? You can't just decide what to put in the mix!" Old Chen continues to read off the monstrous list of Brad's terrible creations and instead of listening and allowing his stomach and bowels to churn, he looks out the only window in the house.

Almost instantly, the clear morning sky transforms into a hazardous thunderous atmosphere, the lightning cracking like the bamboo reed on Brad's hard head. He begins to count the rain drops, but even before he reaches ten, the rain lets up and the leaves of the surrounding trees begin to fall from the branches and transform into the brown of autumn. He blinks his eyes in disbelief and turns back to Old Chen as he finishes the list.

"And you don't add an entire glass of half and half to devil's spit hot sauce to make a Bloody Mary. There's not even alcohol in that, it's just plain stupidity!" Old Chen throws down the list and opens another one, this one not as long, but the scowl on his face grows deeper, "And here is list of all the fuglies that you've slept with due to your eternal beer goggles!"

Brad immediately touches his face, not sure if he's wearing eye ware, but he knows he isn't.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, Master, I like to have my beautiful browns visible at all times." Pai looks over and clicks her tongue reproachfully,

"They looked better when they didn't have bags underneath them all the time." Brad thinks to give the weird girl his middle finger, but Old Chen begins to read the list.

"First is Taka Arashi's big sister, and i don't mean older, i mean big! I'm surprised your pelvis is still intact, boy." Old Chen says through disbelief and Brad shrugs,

"I don't exactly remember that encounter, but I'm sure I used cables or something..."

"That explains some things, but what about that tall volleyball chick Natsu?" Old Chen asks and continues on, poking and prodding at Brad's insecurities.

"I can't believe you left me for those nasty skanks!" Pai cries out, covering her face with both hands and Brad throws his arms in the air,

"I don't even know you!" Pai continues wailing and Old Chen reads the list, but Brad is distracted by a snowflake falling outside his window.

His eyes widen and he stares through astonishment at the flurry of snowflakes and pink, spring blossoms falling at the same time and he rubs his face with both hands. He must've drank something tough last night.

"Excuse me, Master, could i splash my face right fast?" Brad asks, interrupting Old Chen's argument with Mrs. Wong about Brad obviously not being a pure virgin if he's been banging cows for the last five several of his life.

"Yea, with what?" Old Chen leans forwards and Pai and Mrs. Wong also stare at him, awaiting his answer, but Brad thinks well on his feet.

"Bourbon flavored water?" Brad answers and they all nod through approval and Brad quickly scurries through the room and into his bathroom/kitchen/trash heap. He enters the bathroom quickly and immediately trips over an empty wine bottle. He hits his head on the edge of his toilet, which is really just a long tunnel system leading to the nearest Buddhist Temple.

He rolls over, trying desperately to recover his equilibrium, looking for his newly bought chaser tablets, but can't seem to find any.

"Looking for these?" An old man's voice rings out and Brad looks up quickly and his eyes grow wide at seeing Shun Di's head jutting out of his toilet. In his hand, he shakes Brad's coveted chaser tablets.

"How'd you get in here, Master Di?" Brad asks quickly and Shun pulls himself upwards, attempting to escape the hole, but his midsection won't budge.

"A little help, youngin?" Shun asks, holding his hand out for assistance, and Brad stands up and reaches out with a wine bottle, not wanting to touch the man's smelly, nasty hands, but quickly notices a large bulge all around Shun's waistline,

"What the hell, Master Di, is that a..."

"Depends! That's right my boy, a true Drunken Master must use them to be successful! Looking at me should be like looking in the mirror for ten years in the future!" Brad's face twists and he backs away in terror.

"I have to be as ugly as you in ten years? I refuse that fate!" Brad spins around through awakening and chucks the large wine bottle away from his being, launching it through the bathroom door and a loud, pained squeal is heard from the living/dining/bedroom. He quickly rushes out and sees Lu-Lu lying on the ground, a half eaten bamboo reed hanging from his lifeless mouth. Tears well up in Brad's eyes and he falls to his knees, grabbing his chest in fury.

"Not my best friend, Lu-Lu! Look what drinking has driven me to! Murder most foul! I'm a monster!" Brad falls to his knees weeping, "I shall drink no more...forever." As the words leave his mouth, Brad feels a weight lifted from him. He's finally cured of his drinking. A smile creases his lips as he realizes it, "I'm cured! Guys, I'm cured!"

"Yea, and thats a good thing since your going to jail for killing an endangered species." Old Chen says, pointing at the numerous Chinese Police Officers bursting into his hermit house. Brad's mouth drops, but then he realizes it is useless to run, the Chinese are known for their bad ass Supercops. Brad stands to accept his punishment as Shun jumps into the room cackling,

"Have fun at the booty house, youngin, i told you Depends would come in handy! Penetration...denied!"


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Bayman struggles to keep his mass of body on the uncomfortable sofa, his arms bent behind his head on the pillow. His crossed, stubby legs are extended to the far end, his muddy boots long discarded on the floor, allowing his dirty socks to be visible. Bayman's eyes are closed in his retelling of the terrible nightmare and the DOATEC issued psychiatrist focuses closely, scribbling away on his notepad.

"You'd have to see it to believe it, but i remember it like it was yesterday. The crumbling, dead city was burning like the eternal blaze of Hades, Cerebrum himself guarding the only entrance. I remember the color red vividly. Probably because fire is red, as was the dark sky, and the sun was also...but i don't actually think the sun was out that night. Anyways, it was terrible."

"How old were you?" The psychiatrist asks, looking up from his tablet for a quick second and Bayman scrunches his forehead in thought,

"I'm pretty sure i was about ten. I only say that, because i know this was before i had sexual relations, and i got lucky _way_ early in life!" Bayman chuckles as his ambiance transforms, "Like, in middle school. I mean, hell, the orphanage was full of sad young gals that needed cheering up." Bayman snickers and the psychiatrist raises an eyebrow,

"So your parents were killed?" Bayman's smile instantly disappears and he nods his head sullenly,

"It was horrible, doctor, as i said, i remember the color red. Red like blood. Like cherries, cherries that i experimented with in middle school. Whip cream, cherries, two Asian girls and--"

"Your parents!" The psychiatrist yells and Bayman quickly clears his throat with a nod,

"Sorry, sorry. Right, my parents. Red. My mother's red dress pulses at my heart, the charm i gave her for their anniversary still around her neck. And then my father's tie, I'm pretty sure that was red as well. It happened right in front of my eyes, my poor little young eyes."

"_What _happened?"

"Oh, they got gunned down by a helicopter." Bayman answers nonchalantly and then sighs, "These weren't GI Joe lasers, these were merciless rounds of bullets."

"What exactly were you all doing in this doomed city? Was this your home?" The psychiatrist asks and Bayman shakes his head with a scowl,

"Hell no. I wouldn't live in some ramshackle shantytown. This was after glasnost and the Great Successions of the USSR. My parents thought it would be a good idea to assist the people complaining that Russia wasn't their home. Like the slaves or something."

"They were killed for doing a great service?"

"I suppose so, but I'm not sure if i could take the conscientious subjector route. That i think is part of my eternal torn...ness. My implacable blood lust or following the peaceful road of my parents." Bayman sighs at a loss and the psychiatrist nods and scribbles something down.

"I think you should do whatever _you_ think is right. Earlier, you told me about feeling regret for killing my original employer?" Bayman shrugs his shoulders,

"Yea, guess so, but that's only because Donovan is a jackass. And he tried to kill me. Fame on the other hand, he had VIP status at _all_ the strip clubs. So who would _you_ choose?"

"So you don't feel regret because you killed him, but because you can't get the hot Latina Chicas anymore?" The psychiatrist asks critically and Bayman growls,

"Hey, you're not supposed to make me feel bad about this! You're here to tell me which direction i should go. Good or Evil. Closed Fist or Open Palm. Darkside or Lightside. Star Jones or Roseanne! Wait..." Bayman almost gags and the psychiatrist nods his head, erasing something from his tablet and leans forwards with an intense expression,

"Okay then, i only have one more question for you." Bayman nods quickly, hoping to finally learn the answer to his eternal torture.

The psychiatrist quickly turns the tablet over and shows a drawing of two villains surrounded by fire, battling with amazing powers,

"Does this look like Demon Raidou Versus Demon Akuma!" The excited psychiatrist asks cheerfully and Bayman stands up enraged and insulted,

"Were you even listening! I'm here to learn the path i must take to save or destroy the world and you sit there doodling comics?"

Bayman rips his gun from his waistband and the psychiatrist's high pitched voice yelps in terror as Bayman knocks him to the floor, holding the gat to his head,

"Now you tell me which path i should take before i grab your plump bootied secretary and make a couple Bayman Juniors on your lumpy-ass couch!"

Shivering in fear, and fighting tears, the overpaid psychiatrist drops the tablet,

"Bayman, you should definitely turn to the path of good...starting now...by sparing me! Please!" Bayman looks at the quaking man with rage behind his eyes, but slowly nods in acquiescence The killing must stop. Sure he's a badass, but its not getting him any girls. They all like the sword swinging pretty boys anyways. It's gotta be the eyebrows that make him look mean 24/7.

"Aight, bandanna man, but I'm taking this gun." Bayman says, stepping off the still shivering tool, and studies his black handgun admiringly, "This is pretty pimp."

"It's yours, why would i care if you take it?" Bayman shoves the gun into waistband, and looks around the plainly decorated office. He looks from the picture of the useless doctor's transsexual wife to a Victoria Secret calender that he already owns, and ends on a very fancy black and red dartboard.

"Okay, then I'm taking this dartboard!" Bayman rips the circular target off the wall and then throws the picture of the man's wife with man parts to the ground, simply in disgust.

"No, thats a family heirloom!" The psychiatrist protests, still from his grounded state, but Bayman ignores his plea,

"You should of thought of that before you insulted Bayman the Magnificent. Oh, and your secretary Esperanza...shall not be spared! I cannot tell a lie, my enchirito lusts for dat Latin booty."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

A/N : (This one goes off the deep end, but i just couldn't help myself. As usual, i hope you enjoy!)

Leon rocks back and forth as he rides atop his trusty camel, Binny, across the windblown desert somewhere in the Middle East. The dusk, cloudy sky announces the beginning decent of the sun and although the air becomes cooler, Leon's throat is still dry. He is in desperate need of some sort of oasis before nightfall or things could go terribly wrong.

As luck would have it, Leon spots a watery promise of survival in the near distance and heels Binny forwards, relief floating to the forefront of his mind. The several thriving palm trees surrounding the sparkling waters are evidence enough that its not a mirage and Leon leaps off of Binny's high back, landing swiftly on the soft sand.

He walks towards the water, but pure white flowers on the ground catch his attention, perhaps daisies, but either way, they definitely don't belong. There are no flowers in this desert that he knows of, and he's sure they just appeared out of nowhere. He studies them intently for a second, but right before his eyes, with a magical swirl of wind, a young woman appears, brown haired and beautiful.

Leon immediately recognizes the kneeling woman as his only true love, Rolande. She wears the patchwork cloak he quilted for her when he was feigning sickness the first week he met her so he wouldn't have to fight the renegades of the land. Her smile still warms his soul and sets his heart beating faster than it normally should. As she stands, he quickly peeks down at her pretty, blue sandaled feet, pedicured and painted wonderfully. They should have sent a poet for assistance, but Leon thinks of something romantic to say on his own.

"This has gotta be a sex dream." Leon says earnestly as he surveys her stunning curves, but then thinks about it for a second, "But if so, why are we both dressed like we're Eskimos? And is Binny gonna watch, because...last time was weird." Leon begins to turn towards Binny with suspicion, but Rolande's smile deepens and she places a white flower petal in his stiff, open hand.

"The man I love is the strongest in the world." She says confidently in her melodious voice, like singing chirp chirp birds from way back home. Leon's breathe catches at hearing her statement, and anger seeps into his already furious looking face.

"You're in love with Wolf Hawkfield! But how could you?" Leon asks angrily in his deep, foreboding voice, ready to grab her and shake the hell out of her.

Rolande quickly shakes her head defensively and places her hand to Leon's cold blooded cheek,

"No, Leon, _you _are the strongest man in the world." She answers reassuringly and Leon bites his lower lip pensively,

"I'm not sure about that, my love. I can't even best Jann Lee and he's a straight poser." Leon then remembers that this is a dream and can probably get away with anything. He quickly straightens his back and flexes his massive bicep,

"Of course I'm the strongest man in the world, woman. I pwn in the DOA Tournament." Leon snickers deviously and readies himself for a much deserved kiss, but a swift wind blows again and the petal takes off from his stiff hand, because he doesn't know how to close it. Unfortunately, the wind takes Rolande with it, her lips stopping inches from Leon's face before she transforms into sand and is blown away.

Leon's eyes narrow furiously as he watches his beloved swept away, but before he is able to start cursing in Italian about not closing the deal, his eyes burst open...and he sits up quickly in his wooden cot located in the basement of a pottery shop located somewhere in Northern Africa. Leon wipes his sweaty forehead and looks to the dirt ceiling, but his words reach further,

"Okay, Jupiter, i understand now. No more dropping acid before i go to bed."

"And what else have you learned?" The deep, wise voice sounds, but before Leon can answer, a floating apparition of Edge Master appears above Leon's cot, "Listen Leon, i need your assistance in this world. To sustain Inferno, we need the other three Power Stones. Here, use the Dragon Radar." Edge Master reaches out his tattooed hand and Leon yells out in fear, climbing away from his cot and the wrinkled hand.

He quickly rushes to the only other piece of furniture in the crammed room and begins ripping open his dressers. He throws his ecstasy supply to the ground, breaks his crack pipes underfoot and reluctantly tears his magazines of erotically posed Israeli women to shreds.

"There! No more sinning of _this_ sort! Just promise to make the voices go away." Leon pleads, looking around quickly, everywhere at once.

"Good, Leon-San, you have finally learned to turn away from your vices." Jupiter aka Zeus aka Odin aka Izanagi aka Itagaki says in a pleased voice. Leon sighs through relief, and for once, an actual curved expression creases his mouth, "You can now begin your journey to true enlightenment."

"Sweet, I'll start after i smoke up." Leon says, unraveling his nickel bag of freshly bought weed and Itagaki shakes his head,

"I thought we agreed, no more vices. How can you become the Ultimate Doa Character if your--"

"Hey, I never said nothing about the chronic. It's 4:20 and you can shut it." Leon sticks the paper between his teeth and reaches out his hand, "Yo, Dante Leon, hand me my lighter." On the other side of the room, Leon wearing his long red jacket and black undershirt tosses the hunting knife shaped lighter across the room, but white turban wearing, Terrorist Leon starts scratching the side of his neck impatiently,

"Yo, yo, Player One Leon, don't bogard! Seriously, we've talked about this. Puff, puff, half circle, half circle, pass, son, it's in the manual."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Ryu Hayabusa chills out in a euphorias state, much similar to his daily post-coitus stance, comfortable and lax. He's located high in the mountains surrounded by a beautiful landscape of green vegetation with the sounds of the harmonious animals everywhere. A slow moving stream runs underneath the ledge he stands on as he exhibits his expert fly fishing technique, the long bamboo pole carved by hand.

Ryu wears his favorite triangular straw hat which shades his dazzling green eyes from the powerful rays of the sun, which is complimented by his commando style headband. The term commando comes to mind two feet below as well, his loose brown pants always at the ready for any sort of horny mountain sprite or group of pixies that might be lurking about.

Ryu catches a pull on his line and quickly flips his wrist, ready to catch his fourth fish, the other three unlucky fools already cooking below at his fire. Unfortunately however, the tricky fish escapes. Ryu sighs and lowers his head, closing his eyes for a second, hating to ever think about the word 'failure' at all attached to his name. Ryu Hayabusa, Son of Joe Hayabusa, son of Jimmu Tenno himself.

"I think you have underestimated me, Sakana-Chan." Ryu whispers hoarsely and immediately tosses his massive rod down, strips off his green tank top, exposing his sinewy, magnificently sculpted, godlike chest, and leaps off of the rocky ledge. He dives headfirst into the pure waters and searches everywhere at once, his eyes like a hawk's. Frightened, big eyed fish dart here and there, but Ryu knows the scent of the one that escaped his judgment.

Ryu scans the area until he notices the foolish fish with a fake fish lure stuck in his mouth and like a barracuda, launches himself forwards. A coquettishly smiling mermaid begins to swim towards Ryu, but he sends her backwards with a peremptory hand to the face. He's much too busy, even if she does happen to be one of the few reverse, doable mermaids.

"Escape is impossible...your fate, is unavoidable." Ryu says, his words somehow sounding clear through the water without any of the liquid infiltrating his lungs. A special technique that he discovered while he was with his wet nurse as a baby, so he could nourish himself and dirty talk his mother's servant at the same time.

The horrified fish quickly attempts to evade, darting behind a large cluster of seaweed, but Ryu slashes forwards with his mouth open. He chomps down with perfect timing, his excellent white teeth catching the fish's golden tail and Ryu leaps out of the water in a series of flips. Ryu lands on the shore of his campfire, the desperately wriggling fish held tightly in his gloved grip.

"You knew you couldn't elude me. Not with my reputation of putting my mouth on every fish possible." Ryu snickers and looks down at the sad faced water creature, "You are a formidable opponent, Sakana-Chan, use this second chance well. Do good for the rest of your life, and carry out Justice in the watery depths." Ryu turns and mercifully tosses the fish back towards the stream with a radiant smile creasing his full lips.

The fish readies its gills to accept the bosom of its home, but just then, a speeding bald eagle swoops down and catches the poor soul in its mouth, calling out to Ryu for the free snack. Ryu growls furiously and dives into his pocket, rummaging around seldom used condoms for a shuriken, but the cackling eagle lifts away in victory, allowing the half eaten fake fly to float back to the earth.

"Damn..." Ryu hangs his head low, but notices the cast of shadows from the trees and realizes what time it is. His wondrous package is about to be delivered and he must accept it. It means life. He was promised the most glorious gift for saving Shanghai from a hoard of Monkey Fiends not two years passed, the gift promised by a quite impressionable young Chinese girl. Ly Fing maybe? He can never remember those weird Chinese names.

Ryu rushes towards his campsite where the fire is already blazing, the three fish charred beyond edibility. They don't matter though, he's going to be nourished impeccably in a few short seconds. He can already hear the whiz of the speeding arrow cutting through the trees. The wind calls out to him to accept his prize.

"To me, my hat!" Ryu holds out his gloved hand and his straw hat obeys his will, flying to his outstretched hand, too bad it doesn't realize it shall be used as an inertia reverser. Ryu catches his hat and quickly throws it into the air, spinning through the air as the arrow appears and slashes through its center, slowing the arrow's momentum only slightly. The speed decrease is just enough for Ryu to twist his torso, and catch the wooden shaft in his left hand.

Everything seems to slow down as Ryu reaches to the tied letter at the end of the arrow, close to the fletching. His heart rate increases, something that didn't even happen during his first foursome, but this is much more important. Ryu takes a deep breathe, grasping the paper in his hand and pulls it away. He unfolds the paper and reads, the widest smile ever recorded in history creasing his lips.

"_DOA 4 NUDE CODES! INCLUDING NEVER BEFORE SEEN SHOWER SCENE BETWEEN HALF SISTERS, HELENA AND KOKORO. ALL IN HIGH DEFINITION. TO ACCESS SECRET CHEAT WINDOW, ENTER_--(turn page)" Ryu licks his lips as he turns the paper over and attempts to read the secret input code for unlimited access, but it is written in characters that he doesn't recognize. To an American, it might all look like odd looking Asian symbols, but Ryu knows the difference between Kanji and Mandarin Chinese.

"This can't be happening..." Ryu says as motion normalizes and sweat begins to drip down from his headband. He flips the paper over, reading English, and then swaps it back and stares incredulously at the Chinese, "Why would she write one side in English and the other in Chinese? I eat the oranges, I don't understand the language!" The paper squeals its last as Ryu crumbles it into a tight ball, his fist enclosing upon it through rage.

"This will not be forgiven." Ryu says solemnly, dropping the crumbled sheet of paper into the fire, sending tendrils of hatred into the air, "I will launch a one-man war against the Chinese Ancestors. I will destroy the men who spawned the Mandarin language...and defile their women for emphasis." Ryu grabs his katana and straps it to his back, looking up towards the sky, his face displaying stark vengeance. He knows of a time traveling technique, but first he must visit Muramasa to load up on Monomates and Telepipes.

He takes one step and out of nowhere, a flying purple flowered kunai slashes through the air, impaling itself into a nearby tree with a loud clunk. A frightened Ryu peaks up from the ground, looking around everywhere at once with paranoia, but although he doesn't see the source, he knows where the blame lies.

"Damnit Ayane, stop throwing those! They scare the shit out of me!"


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, i do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

A/N : Apologies for the two day break, but with all those damn delays, we should still be on target. I've been working damn hard to earn enough money to pay off those escorts...i mean the 360!

Christie tilts her head back in euphoria, her tongue caressing her tender lips as she enjoys the massage of the soft warm water, like a waterfall running down her perfectly framed body. Christie caresses her soft flesh with the supple black bath sponge. The lather of her expensive, flower scented body wash drizzles down the drain, passed her pedicured toes. Only in her daily shower can she release herself and feel how she wants to. The cold hearted assassin doesn't exist under the stream.

The shower curtain flutters and Christie opens her left eye and smiles seductively, stepping to the side to allow her heart's desire forwards, his Walther PPK looking delightfully appetizing.

"You're late, James." Christie sighs as she steps backwards slowly, allowing her nocturnal visitor room to enter. And in that delightful deep, accented voice,

"I'm sorry, love, I got a little tied up."

James raises his muscular, black haired arm and with his gentle, and yet still powerful hand, caresses Christie's cheek. She giggles lowly, licking her lips,

"I'd wait forever for you, James, you know that. Tonight just couldn't come fast enough." She whispers, leaning forwards and James smirks,

"That could one of my next titles you know. You truly have a way with words, Christie, that makes my body yearn."

Christie blushes slightly, a light rouge staining her pale cheeks. Out of nowhere, James moves forwards and embraces her tightly with both arms. His soft black chest hair tickling her breasts. Christie feels the safest all wrapped up, like a package waiting to be opened...slowly.

"You are more than a simple package, my love, you are a gift...like from Q himself." James whispers and Christie feels her knees growing weak. She doesn't have to worry about holding herself up.

"What about all the other girls, James, are they gifts too?" Christie asks with a timid curl of her pink lips and James shakes his head quickly,

"In my younger days, Christie, you know that I had to romance certain women to save the world. SPECTRE wouldn't punish itself you know."

"Of course, but--" Christie's words are halted by a wonderful index finger to the mouth,

"None of them compare to you, Christie, and definitely not that non-acting Denise...i mean Christmas Jones." Christie smiles widely, any insecurities lifted and she returns the embrace, resting her soft cheek against gruff, muscular pectoral muscles. She tenses slightly, feeling Jame's hands slowly caress downwards her back, but with a soothing hum from her lover's lips, Christie loosens.

"I've waited much too long, Christie." James says and Christie looks upwards into his piercing eyes and his mouth parts, more loving words about to flow. Christie leans upwards on the tips of her toes, not wanting to miss an ounce, and from his mouth flows the most annoying chiming ding she has ever heard.

Christie falls forwards, her fantasy shattered, and barely catches the shower head before she crashes into the wall. Her smile is erased, replaced by a scowl and she spins around as another ding from her computer sounds out throughout the house. Christie turns the water nozzle, halting the water and grabs the black curtain blowing it open with one motion. Whoever thinks that Instant Messaging her at this time will fall before the next update.

Christie grabs her clothes off the edge of the long sink as she storms through her small bathroom. She steps into a pair of black panties and throws the towel around her short platinum hair as she continues. Flames begin to appear at her shoulders, the fuming not subsiding an ounce, even as she steps out into the air conditioned hallway. Her potted plants shy away from the fury, but her black panther Midnight steps forwards, always desperate for his mistress's attention.

"Out of the way, Middy! I'm in no mood to play right now!" Christie tosses the gray towel over Midnight's head and the panther groans and lowers his head, allowing it to fall to the ground. Christie crosses to her marble table, and grabs the laptop in a tight grasp, scowling at the open IM window. She immediately stares intensely at the screen name which destroyed her one chance at happiness this week. The only problem, she doesn't recognize the screen name as any of her usual clients.

_FameDouglaSuxorz69 : Wake Up, Christie..._

Christie holds the laptop upwards, her silver eyebrows still titled downwards in wrath. The keys rattle as Christie slams in her response.

_PropRteeUvSeanNRog : Who is this? Wait till i trace your IP and find your douche ass._

_FameDouglaSuxorz69 : DOATech has you..._

_PropRteeUvSeanNRog : They pay my bills, bitch, and so will your internal organs! Know how much i can get for a Human heart? _

_FameDouglaSuxorz69 : Click, click, Christie._

Christie raises an eyebrow at the last, but the cryptic message is easily decoded with the flash of a camera from behind. Christie spins around, ripping her handgun from off the table and sees Donovan floating at her window with a camera phone, clicking pictures of her vulnerable state with a sadistic grin plastered to his face.

"You!" Christie yells, opening fire, but Donovan ducks down from the window, glass shattering all over her couch and floor. Christie growls as she reloads her gun and Donovan's annoying face pops back into view,

"Like my new phone? IM, e-mail, digital streaming video. Them Japanese are going all out with this new-age shit." Donovan chuckles as he pockets his device, "I'll hitchu lataz, gotta bounce! I'd follow that white bunny anywhere!"

Donovan leaps away from the window and Christie rushes after him, ignoring the glass on the floor akin to Roy, and points downwards, but he's already making his escape in the middle of a gigantic rolling wheel of naked Kasumi clones. He made so many, he had to figure out what to do with the leftovers.

Christie sighs angrily and tosses her gun to the floor, but then thinks about his final sentence,

"How does he know i dye down there?" Christie looks down curiously and her eyes widen at seeing nothing covering her goodies. She spins around in astonishment, but notices her secrets in her yellow eyed panther's mouth, a perverted smile creasing his lips.

"Damnit, Middy! I told you we'd play Huntress and Panthera tomorrow!" Christie sighs and the anger subsides, defeat evidence in her nude slouch, "I won't see a dime for those pictures on the Internet...so much for being Miss Great Britain."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, I do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Kasumi sits sullenly on a powerful, thick tree branch, her back slumped against the massive trunk and her head hung low. The sun peaks over the mountains in the distance, the orange sky reflecting off of the sparkling lake below. Kasumi lets out a low sigh, her loneliness launching upwards through the apex of the trees and the birds fly away quickly, not wanting to be around her.

Leaves flutter from the trees as the birds make their escape and a certain lucky green leaf floats down, battling against the wind to land just right. A smile creases the leaf's abstract lips as it safely lands on ample, pale bosom. It attempts to nuzzle itself deeper into the grand cleavage, but Kasumi grabs it quickly and looks at it with a smile,

"Well hi there, Mr. Leaf," She says in her giggly voice, "Everyone seems to be avoid--, um, staying away from me, but you could most certainly put in one of those job paper thingies to be my new friend." Kasumi chuckles and giggles at the same time, producing what could only be called a chiggle, and holds the leaf closer, "Wanna hear a story?"

Kasumi waits for an answer, but there isn't one, so she places the leaf closer to her ear and waits a moment longer. The leaf looks down from the in-escapable grasp, peering down at its still falling brethren whom all point and laugh at his misfortune. Kasumi shrugs her shoulders, causing her reddish brown hair to bounce and finally nods,

"I'll tell you anyways, okay? Well anyways, i was running away from these bad ninjas yesterday and like, i was up in this dark spooky forest. Do you know how high some of the those tree places go? Really high, like, well, not up to the stars, but maybe half way or something like that. Oh, and um, i was up in the tree and I landed on a branch as these three metal sharp things came flying at me!"

Kasumi looks down to ensure that the leaf is still listening and at seeing that it is, she continues the thrilling chronicle.

"Okay, so these sharp things came flying at me and i used my own sharp thing, although its a little longer, and i swung it all around!" Kasumi elaborates with wild gestures of her hand, and accidentally drops the leaf in the commotion.

It squeals in delight to be free, but Kasumi quickly snatches upwards and catches it, crashing all of its dreams and hopes.

"Oopsies, you almost fell, Mr. Leaf! Okay, anyways, i used my own sharp thing, i think its called a spoo--, no, no, its a knife! Yea, thats what Hayate called it! Oh yea, Hayate is my big brother, he's really nice and handsome, and i know he loves me, but he's actually...well, he's the one that's trying to kill me. Thats weird, huh?"

Kasumi tilts her head to the side in wonder, beginning to put two and two together and finally another heartwarming chiggle flows from her pink lips,

"He sent them to kill me at first, but now they're trying to rescue me from themselves! I get it now! Okay, anyways, the story isn't like, over yet. So let me contin--, um, let me keep going. Well, i knocked those mini UFO's away and jumped out of the tree, and like a ballerina ninja, i did a flip and landed!"

Kasumi holds the crying leaf close as she is wracked with excited laughter,

"I'm so cute when i flip around! I like to do stuff like that because i get to show off my cute, cute, clothes! I like these flaps, they go up and down and so does my hair! My mom used to—oops, okay, so i was running and the cute ninja guys followed after me. I was actually going to ask them why they kept chasing me, but i like to play hard to get!"

Kasumi yawns and tilts her head back, but accidentally bumps her head on the tree.

"Ouch! Thats the third time i did that! Well, um, where was I? Oh right, when those jerks cut my favorite ribbon! I jumped up into a tree and they threw one of those things at me, so when i landed, i—i used this super magic...yep, uh-huh, i threw a big energy ball at them and made them think twice about cutting my pretty stuff." Kasumi sighs again and smiles at the imprisoned leaf with her rosebud mouth,

"Well, what do you think?" The leaf scowls and shakes his abstract fist in her face furiously,

"I think you should drop me back on that massive rack and shut the fck up! My ears are fcking bleeding! What the fck? Do you seriously think anyone likes you? That they want to hear your boring ass story? You've got some tig ol bitties, and a blind man could see your panties as much as you prance around like a skank! Thats the only fcking reason that--"

Kasumi quickly squeezes the leaf tightly, cutting off his respiration and frowns

"Well thats not very nice! If you want to talk mean, Mr. Leaf...you can just...well, you can just suck my ass! Oh yea, thats right! But you won't get the chance, will you?" Kasumi furiously blows the bad mouthed leaf away from her, sending it plummeting to the ground below and she looks over the edge, maneuvering her hand just right, so that all of her fingers are curled inwards except for the middle one.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, I do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

Leifang leisurely strolls through one of the many bustling shopping districts of Eastern Beijing. The bright lights of open shops lining the narrow road and overhead signs allow enough illumination that the absence of the falling sun doesn't hinder the crowd's enjoyment. Leifang passes by a young couple holding hands and then dodges an older, graying man whom peaks back over his shoulder at her with a three toothed grin.

Her cutely styled pigtails bounce back and forth as she walks, her white dress swishing around her thin, tanned legs. Leifang turns the corner as a green van rushes passed her at a much too fast speed, sending her dress slightly into the air. Numerous men spin around with hope behind their eyes, mouths agape, but the breeze doesn't deliver anything above her knees.

The green van screeches to a halt in a dirt clearing, a large open expanse of courtyard in between the three buildings of an apartment structure. Leifang's eye narrow as she sees a brown haired young boy, no older than eight in the clearing, his soccer ball enjoyment interrupted by the halted vehicle. The sliding door opens, and like a clown car, four men emerge almost at once from the same seat, and to Leifang's dismay, they look less than friendly.

The four nefarious looking men exit the vehicle, and the boy screams, attempting to run in the opposite direction, but he is grabbed by the most muscular of them.

"There you are! We must get you h--" A white suited man begins to speak through concern, but Leifang rushes forwards to aid the boy. All four men spin around with wide eyes at seeing the blue and white blur of justice.

"Please wait, young lady, we're his--" The chubbiest of the four begins to speak with his arms out in explanation, but Leifang ignores the lies on his lips. She quickly jumps through the air in a spin, and her white heeled pumps land in the man's face, sending the flowery shirt wearing tub of Crisco rolling across the ground. Moans and groans escape his mouth and Leifang looks down, but seeing that he's incapacitated, she searches for another victim.

"Why would you do that to poor Little Loafy!" One of the men yells in sadness, "He's only got an IQ of about fifty!" Leifang narrows her eyes and furrows her brows, and although her face is full of gravity and anger, it doesn't take away from the sheer cuteness that she will always possess.

"I am the embodiment of justice in this town! My town!" Leifang stomps her small foot, causing a minature crater in the ground and situates herself in one of the various stances of T'ai Shi Quan, "I will continue my one girl crusade until the people of Beijing know that their city doesn't belong to the criminals and the corrupt." The white suited leader of the group tilts his head to the side with a confused frown,

"We aren't criminals, Miss, this boy is our--" His explanation is destroyed as the boy screams out in horror, struggling fiercely to escape. Leifang's scowl deepens, and without another word she leaps forwards. A rat tail sporting, commando tank top wearing thug leaps forwards, ready to intercept.

He attempts a low kick, but Leifang easily blocks the weak attack with her shin and deflects him away. He stumbles backwards with a stunned look, and Leifang motions for him to charge. He quickly leaps again awkwardly, but Leifang moves with unrivaled grace, kicks her leg upwards in show and laughs out in triumph. She erases the stunned look on the man's face by sending both of her tiny fists forwards, launching her inner power forwards. The ground seems to shake as the man flies backwards, his fragile body breaking and cracking across the dirt.

"Not Chester! Oh, not Chester!" The muscle bound commando wanna-be rushes to his fallen ally, and takes a knee, leaving the boy in the white suited man's stead. The commando shakes the one known as Chester slightly,

"Ramribbon, i was placed in a trance with one look..." Chester begins in a labored, dying voice, "That blinding white light that flows from underneath the dress...don't look..." The death rattle takes him and Ramribbon turns on Leifang with a frown.

"You will share his fate for attempting to kidnap the boy." She says, moving forwards slowly, "All the Chinese people are under my watch. I'm like the Mulan of the Future." She rushes forwards, and leaps with a high kick. Her dress flies upwards, the pure light flowing from underneath, the forbidden nectar, and Ramribbon is blinded. His body freezes, limp to Leifang's will.

She kicks him in the stomach, doubling him over painfully, spins around extravagantly, and then brings her palm upwards, flinging him away like puppet. Ramribbon slams down hard on the ground and Leifang turns to her last opponent, the white suited leader, pale faced with colorful dyed hair, like a Chinese Gangster Joker.

"Please, Miss, this is a misunderstanding!" He pleads, but Leifang shakes her head, refusing to listen. The gavel is about to be slammed, "Well at least start wearing pants, or use some tape! I refuse to be immobilized like my brothers!" He backs away and reaches into his suit jacket, removing a plastic, fast-food knife. Leifang's eyes narrow as he holds the knife upwards, "You leave me no choice, little lady! There's no reasoning with you! "

"You have but one choice! To surrender!" Leifang leaps forwards as the leader squeals in horror, her kick sending the knife away from his hands. He attempts to look away, but it draws his gaze. The greatness. Paradise. A twisted smile curls his lips as Leifang has her way, and leaps upwards, as if pulled by wires, and kicks him soaring through the air.

Leifang lands swiftly and spins to the boy with a smile,

"You are okay, citizen, run along home to your mother." Leifang says in a calm voice, her cheerful nature returning, but the little boy simply scoffs,

"You handled my light work uncles easy enough, but you don't order me around. Curfew, my ass. I'm gonna run the streets like the pimp I am." He begins to turn, but Leifang quickly rushes to him.

"Now you watch your mouth, little boy!" Leifang thrusts her finger towards his face through discipline, and opens her mouth to continue the scolding, but he opens his mouth and with a sadistic grin, chomps down. Tears immediately burst from Leifang's eyes as she bounds backwards in pain, holding her throbbing finger. The boy snickers evilly as he spins around and another van pulls forwards, colorfully colored, and driven by a monkey.

Leifang and the boy both turn through curiosity and the rear window rolls down, a ghastly white faced alien looking creature appearing,

"Ooooh, oooh, hoo! Ya wanna come to Neverland with us!" A high pitched voice asks and the boy straightens his back and nods, rushing forwards excitedly and this time a terrible, evil grin twists Leifang's mouth,

"Oh yea, you got that one coming."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, I do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

A/N : Also, using the name "Jonas" for Hitomi's father is not my original idea, I straight jacked it from Scrooge, and he can't do a damn thang!

Hitomi leans against the hard brick wall of her father's personal dojo in a childish pout, the same pinching of her nose and mouth that she uses when she doesn't get her way. The dojo is a large, restored gymnasium, located in Southern Frankfurt, Germany. The younger students, all clad in white karate uniforms train in rows of four, practicing punches and kicks in front of two instructors. No one wears shoes, but thats not the reason Hitomi's nose is pinched.

She glares across the wooden floor at her father Jonas, a muscled chunk of German stonework, his piercing blue eyes powerful, accented by his thick white hair and mustache. His arms are crossed commandingly, watching with a content expression at the training of his students. The only expressions that usually cross his stoic face are contentment or slight aggravation, but after a day full of Hitomi's nagging, he showed a third, 'slightly greater aggravation'.

Hitomi pushes back off of the wall, ready to take another go at her annoying plea routine, and dusts off her denim jeans and jacket outfit. She walks across the back row of yelling children and Jonas looks over.

"I'm going to join Dead or Alive and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Hitomi yells in that annoying voice of hers, like thousands of cat's in heat scratching the blackboard while the gestapo guns them down.

Jonas shakes his head for the umpteenth time and sighs, ready to deliver his unfaltering answers,

"Never." Hitomi finally reaches him, looking up at her father who towers over her for more than an entire foot.

"I'm ready and I know it!" Hitomi demands, balling up both of her hands into tight fists, but the Eurotower shakes his head,

"Never."

"But I can fight! You taught me all I need to know!" Hitomi continues her plea, pondering if she should kneel or not, but seeing that its her father, that is probably inappropriate.

"I said never. I won't have you prancing about like those other girls! Pretty much just sex symbols..." He pauses to clear his throat, "...with their massive, perky breasts flopping about and their Victoria's Secret unmentionables exposed ninety five percent of the..." Jonas quickly forces the grin away from his face and shifts his pants slightly, "...I won't have you being part of tit...of it!"

Hitomi backs up and thrusts her hand outwards, fed up with his useless excuses. She must prove herself to the German boys that said all she could ever be was an average looking teacher. Screw them!

"If I beat you, will you let me enter the Tournament?" She asks persistently and Jonas contains his laughter and finally concedes with a nod.

"Okay then, Hitomi. If you defeat me, you can join this DOA Tourny." Jonas turns towards the other instructors, finally able to move his left hand, and holds his hands up into the air,

"Hackett, Roth, Students!" Everyone in the dojo stops in the middle of their high kicks and turns their heads to face Jonas. Most begin to wobble, and the larger instructor, Hackett, falls over.

"Attention everyone! Hitomi and I are going to spar to see--" Jonas is interrupted abruptly by a sneak attack from his daughter, but he easily spins and catches her tiny fist with his much larger hand, "Hang on, Hitomi." Jonas tosses her stumbling away with a look of sheer astonishment plastered to her face, "Back to what I was saying. We are going to spar to see if she is ready to join DOA." The off balance students all break into uncontrollable laughter, falling on the ground and holding their stomachs.

Red fury begins to seep into Hitomi's pigment, her face flushing like a purple headband wearing red painted mango. Jonas contains himself and turns to face Hitomi,

"Let us begin." He holds his hands together and begins to bow, but Hitomi has had enough with pleasantries and charges. She will prove once and for all that she can fight with the best of--

Hitomi trips over her own feet as she charges, slamming hard into the hardwood floor, smashing her lower lip against her teeth. The children continue to laugh derisively and Jonas frowns and holds his arm downwards to his daughter, but she knocks it away and backs up. She brushes brown hair away from her vision and situates herself in a made-up stance, her hands above her head and bent in a tangle.

"That's the stance your using?" Jonas asks and Hitomi nods angrily and he shrugs, "Alright." He motions for her to charge and she leaps forwards, looking like some sort of retarded monkey. Roth holds the shirt of his gi over his face, dying in laughter as Hitomi flails about. Jonas blocks and dodges the odd attacks, if they can be called such, and intending to put Hitomi out of her misery, sends his powerful foot forwards.

His wide sole connects with Hitomi's face like a boulder connecting with an ant and sends Hitomi flying backwards in a trail of blood and spit. She slams down hard, rolling across the ground and Jonas frowns, slightly saddened by what he was forced to do. It's for her own good, though.

"Well, as we can see, she just isn't read--"

"I'll stuff your words back down your throat!" Hitomi yells, stumbling to her now bowlegged stance, spitting out a couple of teeth.

"Hitomi, stop this, you know you aren't ready!" Jonas commands and Hitomi begins to charge, but from the kick, her equilibrium is destroyed and she staggers backwards, slamming into one of the numerous wooden support beams. Jonas rushes to assist her as the laughter dies down and the gymnasium doors open. Jonas holds Hitomi up by her sagging shirt as his beautiful Japanese wife steps forwards, holding a black cellphone on a metal tray.

"Lord Jonas, the phone beckons you forth." She says in deep respect and Jonas smiles at his mail order bride and waves her towards him. She works the tight fitting kimono like a diva, the laughter turning into hollers and whistles from all the students, even the young bi-curious females. Jonas reaches for the phone with a smile,

"It's probably business. Mucho Arigato, Keiko."

"Lord Jonas...my name is Nanami." His wife answers and Jonas shrugs apathetically as he answers the phone,

"What up, its J-DawG, holla at me." He turns away and begins to talk to his homies, but Hitomi recovers to her feet and seizes her only one opportunity. Nanami attempts to obstruct her daughter, but Hitomi pushes her mother to the ground and Jonas barely has time to spin around before Hitomi sucker punches him in the right kidney.

Gasps erupt from the crowd as Jonas falls to the ground, his brand new phone crashing to the ground as he collapses and Hitomi laughs out in triumph,

"That's right, ya straight poser! DOA here I come!" Hitomi cackles as she leaps over the groaning Jonas and runs out of the dojo, no one paying her any attention. Everyone gathers around their fallen leader, but it is Nanami that comforts him.

"Are you okay, Lord Jonas?" She asks through compassion and Jonas scowls furiously,

"Where'd that dirty bitch go?"

"She's off to DOA, My Lord." Roth says, walking over, "Where she'll probably get stripped naked, experimented on, and shoved in a tube to be fed intravenously forever." Jonas sighs and lays back sullenly, separated from his only child,

"One can only Hope."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, I do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

A/N : Too much MTV is evident here...

Jann Lee diligently patrols the pride of his life, his massive Night Club that he built himself with free Chinese laborers' blood, sweat, and tears. 'Unleash Your Dragon' stands in the center of the busiest district of southern Hong Kong. The Club represents freedom for all the big names of the universe's fighting tournaments, a place to relax, drink, and hook up with loose women.

Jann dodges across the crowded dance floor, checking out the curvaceous landscapes with his patented crooked grin. Big ass there, long legs there, muscular abs over there, defined calves right here. Jann Lee licks his lips hungrily as he moves across the red and green carpet. It's not a dance floor, it's a candy store, and he's a little kid who just got allowance.

Jann stops at the long bar and rests his elbow down next to a wasted Frenchman's drink. His terrible singing and horrendous blonde, feathered hair-do is what brought Jann Lee over. It's just sad seeing so much delicious alcohol being wasted, more dripping upon the floor than into the man's pretty mouth.

"You've had too much, Raph." Jann Lee whispers discreetly, not trying to embarrass the fellow, but the Frenchman looks over with a wide grin, his head swaying from side to side,

"I'm not leaving till you say you'll go out with me!" Raphael yells, prodding Jann Lee in his muscular chest, producing a very annoyed scowl,

"I told you already, Raph, I'll never date a French guy. You're a bunch of teases." Jann takes Raphael's drink away and as he flails to recover it, Raphael falls from his golden, dragon carved stool. Jann Lee steps backwards with a disappointed head shake and places the drink back down on the bar.

"You leave your drink around me, you better believe it gonna get drunk up." A woman off to the side warns and Jann turns around and eyes her wide hips suspiciously. Those powerful, muscular legs could crush a man in one squeeze.

"It's a Zema, Vanessa, see if I care." Jann steps over the slobbering drunk and continues his way down the bar, ensuring that everything else in his establishment is legal and safe.

He clicks his tongue reproachfully at seeing a young blue helmet wearing boy trying to hook up with an oddly dressed Asian girl, probably some sort of Wind Priestess. They are both younger than eighteen, and although they're only taking shots of Koo-Laid, there are many adult themed acts occurring all over the place that they shouldn't be exposed to. Like the fireball bondage going on in the far corner or the vibrating DreamCast controller orgy upstairs.

Jann opens his mouth to warn them, but he decides to listen amused to the boy's lame attempts at closing the deal. He especially enjoys watching little boys trying to play in men's worlds, like Lil Ruff Ruff or that brown, Chris boy. Jann leans back and watches as Picky takes a knee and begins singing,

"We would run aw-ay, making love all-day, have us a ba-bay, get you some bigger tay-tays. If I had one wi--" Red liquid stains Picky's face as the girl leaps off of the stool insulted and rushes away, tears in her eyes. Picky stands up with a frown, looking at Jann Lee, surprisingly with a confused look on his face,

"I figured she'd want to fit in with all the other girls! Talim's the only one without Double D's!"

Jann Lee shrugs, thinking of giving the poor skateboarder some advice, but a a glimpse of a fellow Soul Shard searching young lady catches his eye on the dance floor. He'd let Seung-Mina touch his Soul Calibur any day of the week. Except for Tuesday, because those are his hair appointments and actually Friday is when he gets his facial from Tammy, so that won't work either, but the other three or four days will work.

"Well, well, well." Jann Lee stops at Mina's side as she continues to move that hump of hers, but a man's smooth hand begins to caress the greatness, blocking Jann's vision slightly. He attempts to move around for a better glimpse and notices Maxi with what he hopes are his nunchaku tucked away in his pants.

"Bounce out, loser, she's taken," Maxi says, brushing his hands through his silky black hair, "And she's cheating on Wangy with me, so therefore, the waiting list is getting pretty long." Jann crosses over, pushing Mina out of the way to get a better look at his mirror-like adversary,

"You wanna start something with the most notorious bouncer in China, butt-pirate?"

Maxi's mouth widens in disbelief and he crosses his arms after fixing the silk scarf around his neck,

"I don't fight the fashionably challenged. Where'd you get those dragon pants, Jann?"

"Definitely not the same place you got those slippers, the discount thrift store!" Jann answers back and Mina steps forwards, still shaking bouncy parts wildly,

"Don't fight over me, boy--"

"Shut up!" Both men yell at the same time, pushing Mina to the floor and she yells out for help as dancers trample her.

"Who did those eyebrows, Jann, Bayman's stylist?" Maxi slams and Jann touches his beautifully curved eyebrows in personal affront,

"You've taken it too far!" He begins to charge, but a call comes from his left ear piece interrupts him.

Jann Lee halts in mid punch as he hears a disturbance call coming from the private corner of the Club. He spins around to see four men bullying his favorite hired women and Jann's personal servant of a waiter who presses his pants _just_ right. Jann takes his ear piece out and scowls at Maxi,

"This isn't over."

He turns around and rushes towards the private table, red oak, and beautifully crafted. Jann was only going to warn the men about damaging the women's faces, but the leader finds it funny to grind his cigarette butt into the surface. Jann Lee's inner rage comes forth and he attains the glow, the yellow energy, pretty much shoddy special affects, surrounds his entire being as he leaps into action.

Jann grabs the white suited leader's wrist, causing him to drop his cigarette, and then kicks behind him, knocking the beer bottle out of the hands of the largest thug. The pork chop of a henchman attempts a sneak attack, but a with loud,

"Whah-Tah!" Jann Lee doubles him over grabbing his ears in pain from the shrill battle cry. Jann quickly spins around, roundhouse kicking a rat tail sporting punk across the face. He then looks down through regret, recognizing Master Lau.

"I was just coming to see if you needed help...jerk."

"My bad." Jann waves, but then quickly recovers in time to spin around and see Maxi tossing his warm nunchaku to the large, bubble vest wearing thug. Jann thinks to make a comment about Maxi's girly toss, but he doesn't have time as the wood comes spinning towards his face. He focuses on the shaft and reaches out longingly, catching it firmly in his grip.

"Not fast enough!" Jann rips the weapon away from the thug and wonders if he should swing them around and show off like the ultimate fighter he is, but instead chooses the easier route. Jann connects his Timbz to the man's crotch, sending him to his knees, cradling his crying trinkets and Jann smirks, "Hey, now you can sing the Brandy to my Kanye."

The thug looks up teary eyed with a pained frown,

"I couldn't just sing Adam?"

"Why? Is it getting harder for you to breathe? Jann kicks downwards, sending the thug tumbling over and then turns and looks at the leader. He focuses on remembering the worst haircut he's ever received and the intimidating scowl appears on its own.

The leader trembles, shaking his hands defensively and sorrowfully. Without a word, he spins around and runs away, slamming directly into the wall and Jann nods contently. He drops the nunchaku and looks around, surveying the destruction he's just been forced to cause.

The three women all shiver on the ground and Jann looks down compassionately,

"Are you okay?" The one in the white dress opens her mouth as Kilik peaks up the other's dress,

"We're fine, now, Ja--"

"Quiet, I'm talking to my table!"

Jann strokes the ruined garnish, but refuses to let the disaster ruin his day. He sits down in a square shaped cushion, and points at the newly recovering Talim.

"Hey you, how old are you?" Talim bites her lower lip in deep thought and quickly answers,

"Seventeen?" Janns sighs, but then realizes that he's the only law here and deems it acceptable,

"Then wiggle and jiggle yourself on over here and show me them secret techniques your momma taught you."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer – I do not own any of Team Ninja's Characters or anything else related to Dead or Alive. Also, I do not own any other various Fighting Game Characters that magically appear in this work of fiction.

A/N : Tony Woods - "You notice how most comedians like to end their show with a big laugh, a big joke at the end with a big laugh? I figure, why do that...I haven't done it the whole show, why start now?"

Helena relaxes sprawled out on her multi-million dollar yacht, sunbathing like the Goddess she thinks she is, under her personal heat and light source. She may claim that DOATEC belongs to her philanderer of a father, but she wastes no time in spending the dead man's money. She bought the grand white yacht with blue trim from a Cuban drug lord who she let rub her perfect feet one time, and the red, gaudy bikini she wears was stolen directly off of a Victoria's Secret Model. She didn't steal it herself of course, she's too affluent to touch professional eye candy.

Helena's black dog, she forgets what breed, trots to her side with a tray tied to his back with a Cinnamon Valina Frappuccino resting atop it. It is her personal black servant and is just the right height since she rarely ever leaves her curved backside. Most boaters use lawn chairs on their decks, but Helena lies down a leather recliner that she purchased directly from the White House.

"You're dismissed." Helena waves what's-his-name away as she takes her drink and places the cool glass to her pink painted lips. Her specially designed Outlast Lip Color which she had her top inverters create specifically for her, doesn't come off on the glass. In fact, it never comes off, she just keeps putting on extra coats in the hopes of getting lips as big as that Tomb Raider chick.

The dog sneers and then rushes away from the deck and Helena decides its time to flip over for her even tan. She stands up to remove her white jacket which she in no way, shape, or form bought from the GAP through curiosity. She slips the comfortable fabric away in a twirly flourish, but notices something glistening in the water.

Helena peeks over the side with a certain aspect of her interest peeked, and notices something that might just be the biggest diamond in recorded history. It might be underwater, but Diamonds don't rust, she heard from somewhere that they last forever. Without a seconds hesitation, Helena tosses her five hundred dollar Gucci sunglasses to the deck, hearing the crash as she leaps over the side.

Helena dives beautifully, all those swimming lessons with Nagare finally paying off, and she sinks deep into the crystal waters. She searches for the apple of her eye, that massive rock that's probably bigger than her ego, but in search, she notices the beauty that is the ocean deep. The floor is covered in angelic magnificence, ranging from curved, ivory coral to superb sea anemones. Scores of striped and spotted fish swim together as one united, harmonious family.

Helena truly begins to appreciate the Creator's grand works, ones that she never took the time to appreciate in all her busy hours of shopping for extravagant pleasures. The big headed jellyfish and the long eel float together as friends, crabs ride atop the backs of stingrays, and little chef's hat wearing prawns cook up unlucky tadpoles that will never become frogs.

The fish seem to beckon her forward and Helena throws her arms backwards and kicks her feet, launching forwards like a graceless barracuda. She reaches out and begins drumming on an entire row of closed clams with her acrylic fingernails. Each one she clicks, the top opens and a glistening pearl pops out. AquaMan himself pops out from underneath a rocky ledge and strings the pearls together with a strand of his long, silky blond hair.

Helena accepts the gift with something that might just be flattery, and she places it around her own neck. She doesn't let simpletons touch her hair. Now if it was Batman, it would be a different story, but she doesn't even know how AquaMan came into existence. He grabs a hold of an octopus and glides away and Helena looks upwards to follow him.

She kicks her feet underneath to rise through the water, as two gray skinned majestic dolphins spin towards her. The beautiful creatures always look like their smiling. Helena holds her arms out and the two lovers maneuver underneath both of her perfectly toned arms and bring Helena to the surface. Helena's head emerges and the dolphins leap up out of the water, flipping and spinning, and then land back without splashes.

"Special entertainment for me?" Helena asks, paddling in the water, "It's like even the creatures of the sea know how important I am!" She grins widely, her sparkling teeth exposed, "At least you know where you stand on the chain."

"Where we stand?" Helena thinks she hears a voice as the male Dolphin calls out with a loud squeak, but she knows such low creatures can't possibly speak words.

"We can read your thoughts too, Human." The female says through insult, using her beak to prod Helena in the head. Helena back peddles away, an annoyed curve of her mouth twisting, but the male blocks her path,

"We are at the top, you're just lucky we can't walk on land. That Simpson's episode was just mocking us." The male slaps Helena on the butt with his long tail and she spins around angrily. She is the only one that is allowed to touch back there.

"Now you listen to me!" Helena shakes her fist, but the two un-intimidated Dolphin's don't back down. They continue to enjoy volleying her back and forth with their heads and tails. Helena begins to squeal through frustration when she can't escape, "You know I'm French right? So just let me surrender and we can be done with this!"

The Dolphins ignore Helena and she curses to herself for not trying to seduce AquaMan earlier, but notices that one dog she bought, run to the edge of the deck, barking for his or her master,.

"Oh good, Blacky, come down here and help me!" Helena waves her hands in the air, struggling to keep her head above water.

"Nah." The dog barks back and Helena scowls and the Dolphins erupt in laughter, "I've got better things to do." The liberated servant opens his legs and begins grooming himself inappropriately and Helena begins to plead,

"What about all those times I let you use my Gillette Venus razor smooth leg as a mate?" She asks, but the dog continues licking,

"Don't flatter yourself, Frenchie, I've had _much_ better with Bass."

FIN :

-Grande Mucho Arigato to all those that read this and I truly hope you enjoyed it! My original plan fell threw of course because of all the delays, but maybe we'll cross paths on DOA 4 and I can display my mediocre skill! )

-To The Saviors -

x-Red Eye-x – Thanks for stopping by! Means a lot to me to hear your thoughts and compliments. Always all smiles when I read your story. Hip-Hop 4Ever!

Ryu – Thanks for reviewing and hopefully you were able to finish the story and enjoyed all the chapters as much as the first two. I know some were better than others.

James Hanson – Thanks for your comments on the story, your expectation for Ayane's ending made me try harder on it, so I hope it was to your liking. There wasn't too much I could do with a big ass fire.

Scrooge – Last but not least, Big DawG! Thanks for the review, and I'm happy to know my Femdom pun was appreciated. I of course can't compete with all your stories here and there, but thanks for letting me be a part of them. Continue that Global Expansion! Oh, and Lei-Lei Ayane.


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